Detached Observation

Detachment does not mean we don’t care about what is going on in the world, or that we avoid what is coming to us from the world.  Detachment does not mean coldness or hardness.  It just means we learn to stand back and observe for a moment where before we would have allowed ourselves to be instantly sucked in to the dramas of others.  Detachment gives us that ‘space of time’ to create a measured response and not be overruled by a habitual reaction.  It allows us to check our perception of what is coming to us and what is happening around us.  And that can be as simple as seeing a situation as a problem or as an opportunity.  Or it can be as deep as a shift from seeing the world as a dark and dangerous place to the world as an adventure playground.  That one inner shift alone allows us to stop taking things so seriously and start being more creative and playful.  The art of detachment also allows us to move from actor to audience and back again – one moment just observing and getting a sense of things, and the next moment fully engaging. 

This inner observational ability, sometimes known as ‘detached involvement’, means the world ceases to crowd our mind and randomly shape our thoughts and feelings.  In learning to take time to just be watchful prior to the creation of our decisions and actions we can see with a deeper awareness, think with greater concentration and make our decisions with greater clarity.  By standing back internally and learning to watch life’s flow we naturally become less influenced by all those forces over which we have no control.  And in so doing there is weakening of the feeling that we are at the mercy of events, and an increasing sense that we have greater control over our own destiny.

Filtering Wisely
In the age of information overload it becomes essential to filter out what is of value and what is not.  We find it hard to remember what was in the newspaper or on TV two days ago simply because it had no value to us.  Discerning what has value, which usually turns out to be very little, helps us not to waste time and energy.  So much of the information that catches our attention ‘out there’ is simply stories of others lives, a form of local or global gossip, which we don’t need to know. By filtering out only that which is truly of value to us and not consuming or being consumed by it, we help our self to remain mentally fresh, emotionally stable and use our time and energy in the most worthwhile way.  Life is neither short nor long, but it is a span of experience in which we get an opportunity to create something that is both valuable for others and fulfilling for ourselves.  If we spend that time consuming the creativity of others we will miss the opportunity to know and use the full potential of our own creativity.  And there is always a good chance we just might end up with a bad dose of ‘information indigestion’.

Recovering Stability
We may have realised that all our stress in life is self-created.  We may have realised that our stressful thoughts and feelings are of our own making as we respond to people and events.  We may have therefore decided to take full responsibility for our ‘ability to respond’.  But still certain people and situations are able to ‘press our buttons’ and we react emotionally, pushing our self off balance again.  At this point many give up the process of empowering themselves by restoring self-responsibility (response-ability), and they revert to old patterns in which they allow the pain that stress is, to habitually recur.  But if we can practise recovering our stability we might eventually find our self stress-free in what were previously stress-triggering situations.

This means that when we do react negatively and ‘lose the plot’ we then take time to sit quietly and centre ourselves.  Where there is stress, where there is any form of ‘reactivity’, it means we are not in control, our emotions are controlling us.  There is some form of emotional disturbance, which can be likened to a storm within our consciousness.  But if we can learn to return to the centre of our consciousness, to the ‘eye of the storm’, we will always find our peace and our power. Today that may take 10 minutes, tomorrow 8 minutes, the next day 5 minutes, and so on until one day no minutes.  It is this kind of sustained inner work that we all get the chance to practice every day.  Even the greatest saints and the so called enlightened masters would have practised this vital aspect of self management in the face of the everyday changing textures and colours of the many varied scenes and personalities of life’s rich pageant.

The question you should be asking is on which relationships/situations do you think you would benefit from applying the above inner skills?

You might want to reflect on how you see yourself responding i.e. thinking and acting differently, if you practiced each of the above.

Take an action to dedicate at least two days to each of the above self-management skills this week and consciously apply in practical situations.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual lIfe Coach