Have YOU Found Your Way in the Road

In a world of accelerating change it’s no surprise there is also an increase in the number of people feeling stressed. It goes some way to explain the parallel increase in the number of tools, techniques, books, courses and teachers all focused at helping us to manage and prevent the stresses and strains of modern life.

One increasingly visible offering centres around the idea of creating a more spiritually based life and lifestyle. However, many have an immediate resistance to such an idea, usually because they don’t really understand precisely what it means.

When some hear the word ‘spiritual’ they immediately associate it with some kind of religious commitment or practice, which is often not a place they want to go. They have not yet fathomed the difference between spirituality and religion. Conversely, when others hear the word ‘religion’ it conjures ideas about that mysterious energy of ‘the spirit’ and that’s either just too ‘other worldly’ or completely irrelevant to their life. Could that be because haven’t yet seen the difference between religion and spirituality? Then there are those who believe spirituality is just another passing fad of the ‘new age’. While others consider any kind of spiritual or religious exploration is best left until their old age!

In this, the age of abundant information, the theories and beliefs of almost every spiritual path and religious tradition are now available at the touch of a keyboard. On the one hand this accessibility, known by no other generation, is a huge advantage. And yet it is also easy to thoroughly confuse oneself by ‘supermarket shopping’ the world wide web (www) for just about every religious and spiritual concept under the sun. So what exactly is the difference between the two? How are we to tease them apart so that we may see clearly and decide what is best for us? Here are a few possible pointers.

Religion, in an organised sense, tends to encourage the individual to attach to and identify with a packaged set of externally prescribed beliefs and rituals. From a spiritual point of view this is the foundation of an ‘egoic’ state of consciousness and therefore not such a good idea. Spirituality, on the other hand, tends to encourage a certain detachment from all beliefs and the use of some meditative and reflective practice to realise, reveal and ‘see’ what is true for oneself. Religion tends to see this as too much freedom and the licence to do anything in the name of spirituality, much of which is considered to be neither religious nor spiritual! The consequence is often many people running around doing many things in the ‘name of spirituality’ without realising it’s not!

One of the original meanings of religion is to ‘reconnect’, to ‘bind’ together. Religion however, can tend to connect people to just another institution and the ideas and beliefs found therein. Whereas spirituality tends to help the individual restore their awareness of their authentic self as opposed to their ‘learned’ sense of self, in order to reconnect with their true nature which is peaceful and loving.

Peace is My Religion

The spiritual practitioner would likely say that when one is ‘being spiritual’ one's true religion is peace itself, not as an idealised mental concept, but as a realised state of being. And yet many who do walk a spiritual path will say that peace is not possible until all attachments are dropped, most especially attachment to beliefs and belief systems, which tend to be the currency of what we call religion! This often seems to be why there is often the absence of peace both within religions and between religions. Religion on the other hand tends to emphasise that there needs to be a foundation of ‘right beliefs’ in daily life in order to ensure decisions and actions are ‘righteous‘ and therefore aligned with what is right, so that we may do the right thing for our self and for others.

The difference between religion and spirituality is obviously not black and white. It seems useful however, to understand both the differences and the similarities if we are to create an authentic path for our self through this journey we call ‘life’, regardless of whether we may call that path religious or spiritual. As we do, we will likely notice shades of grey, overlapping ideas and areas of utter contrast.

This short ‘exploration’ is essentially a ‘contrast of tendencies’. ‘Tendency’ here means ‘frequently’ but not in every case. For example, religion tends to be male dominated and spirituality tends to be a more feminine domain. This may simply be because religion tends towards ‘imposing’ and ‘forcing’, whereas spirituality tends towards ‘allowing’ and ‘nurturing’. But in neither case is it absolute. While many religious approaches tend to make either the male or female superior, an authentic spirituality would probably transcend the issue of gender altogether. Each of us obviously makes up our mind about the efficacy of each approach. And yet neither of these approaches is the ‘opposite’ of the other, as it sometimes appears in language. Sometimes the spiritual individual is more religious in their sense of ‘personal connection’ to ‘the source’ or what they may call ‘the divine’. Whereas sometimes the religious individual is obviously more spiritual in their ability to bring their inherent goodness, their virtue, through into their daily actions and interactions.

So as we contrast and compare, it’s not that one is better than the other though it may seem that one may, at times, be deeper than the other.

 

Open and Closed

Religion tends towards a closed and structured organisation whereas spirituality tends to emerge organically as a more open and free flowing community. In a religious organisation there can be the danger that the individual becomes institutionalised which essentially means dependent upon the organisation for comfort, support and, at the deepest level, their self identity. The spiritual approach tends to encourage a greater sense of non-dependence and a sense of identity that is not invested in anything outside oneself. Perhaps the sign of a healthy religious/spiritual organisation/community is that when people come they are allowed to take support and what may be a new sense of identity, but as they learn and ‘unlearn’ they are encouraged to grow out of their need for that support and to rediscover their true identity for themselves. All at the pace that suits the individual.

Religion tends to emphasise the need for hierarchy and position, sometimes unaware that the traps therein can sabotage the spiritual growth of those who come to occupy those ‘apparent’ positions. Spirituality tends to encourage a vision of equality ‘even when’ some are obviously a little further along the path in the awakening of their self awareness, perhaps a little deeper in their wisdom and perhaps a little more powerful in their capacity to deal with life around them.

We would tend to ‘join’ a religion, declaring to others our alignment with a fixed set of beliefs as the mark of our ‘membership’. Whereas the spiritual individual tends to steer clear of joining anything seeing it as a limitation or block to their inner spiritual growth and the restoration of their spiritual power.

Perhaps this is why religion tends to create a culture where people ‘expect’ to be externally guided, where there is one authority or perhaps several senior authorities. This can be another encouragement towards dependency and perhaps a sense of being controlled and possibly misled. This sometimes ‘triggers’ some people’s resistance towards anything that smacks of institutionalised religion. Spirituality on the other hand, tends towards the liberation of the individual from all external authority and the gradual re-emergence of self-mastery so that one's authority arises from within as a personal realisation of what is true. Religion tends to indicate that this is in itself a trap that leads to many mistakes, all of which can be avoided if the words, beliefs and commandments of ‘others’ are obediently followed. Spirituality tends to encourage this self-awakening indicating that if the individual is ‘earnest’ then they will recognise any mistakes and learn from them naturally. Religion sometimes says this is the road to ...not a very nice place!

By virtue of the cultivation of a ‘religious identity’, religion tends towards an exclusive outlook on life, an exclusive relationship to others, and a sense of exclusivity that tends to ‘separate’ from others. Whereas spirituality tends towards an inclusive perspective, an equalising and an ‘all are one’ vision that unifies as opposed to separates.

Outside IN or Inside OUT

And while a ‘religious member’ tends to deny the validity of the beliefs and ways of other religions, the spiritual aspirant tends to accept and respect everyone’s ways and beliefs regardless of whether they agree with them or not. Here is one of many areas where religion and spirituality do come together as many ‘religious people’ do tend to accept and respect the beliefs of others, even though they may not agree.

And so it is that an individuals ‘religious life’ can tend to be lived from ‘outside in’, tending towards ritual, costume, custom and tradition. Whereas, by and large, the spiritual practitioner tends to live from ‘inside out’ as they seek to strip away their attachment to any old habits and all traditions so that they may restore a truer awareness of the self as the naked and free being within.

It is perhaps in such an inwardly naked state that the spiritual practitioner tends to believe (and seek to practise) that the mind can only be truly at peace, the intellect can only see with true clarity and the heart can only embrace ‘the other’ with the truest love. Perhaps that is the point at which spirituality becomes truly religious in its capacity to ‘openly and transparently connect’ with all life at all levels, including a direct personal connection to what is sometimes referred to as ‘the divine’. Who knows...exactly? Words seem inadequate!

Perhaps we can only know personally when we are ready to explore for our self, fearlessly and courageous, humbly and earnestly, that fork in the road that seems to split and offer a choice of religion or spirituality. And perhaps we may discover there was no fork in reality, no split in actuality, simply us walking and waking, walking and waking, walking and waking!

What I would like to ask you is this: What does spirituality mean to you?

Have you ever thought of what it means to be religious?

The “task” you need to do is to ask five people this week the above two questions and research the insights and opinions of others around you.

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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach

We Are Just Passing Through

There is something to be said for ‘guest consciousness’.

Have you ever noticed one of the delights of going on holiday is the temporariness of everything?  Wherever you go you are and wherever you are right now, you are a guest even if you did buy the place where you are. You are just passing through. Your relationship with everyone and everything is temporary. With this in mind, you are more relaxed and easy.  Nothing is precious. Nothing and no one is possessed or owned.  Nothing needs to be guarded.  Nothing around us is used as a measure of our self worth.  Everyone you meet: (including your children, your spouse, parents and friends) is just passing through your life so that while you thoroughly enjoy their company, sharing and all and loving them, you don’t try to hang on to them, cling on to them, even in your head, when its time to go. You move smoothly from one scene to another, releasing the last scene quickly and easily, thus remaining free and light.  Such is the consciousness of being a guest.

Could it be possible to bring that same consciousness, that same lightness and freedom to our life as a whole?  Is there value in seeing our self simply as a guest in this world?  If so would it be possible to adopt such a mindset on a daily basis?

It does seem possible if only because of the impermanence of everything (life) around us.  Everything and everyone comes and goes, appears and disappears…eventually.  Some of the ‘side effects’ or benefits of ‘guest consciousness’ might include the following:

Passing Through

When we are playing the role of ‘guest’ in the world we are aware that whatever comes to us in the form of situations and circumstances are just passing scenes in which we can choose to participate in or not.  Just as the scenery on a coach trip is ever changing, so do the scenes of life.  While ‘guest consciousness’ can help us to flow easily with and through life, the consciousness of the ‘permanent resident’ tends to want to freeze certain scenes and try to control how those scenes will play out.

Nothing is Mine

As a guest we know that nothing is ‘mine’ but we do get the temporary use of ‘some’ of whatever is around us.  The guest never says, ‘that’s mine’.  The freedom that comes with the absence of possessiveness allows us to live lightly.  Whereas the permanent resident tends to covet and take some form of subtle support from what they believe they possess thereby creating the mental tension of grasping.

Take Things and People as We Find Them

As a guest we find it easier to accept people and situations as we encounter them.  It is easier to come ‘fresh’ to our relationships leaving behind memories of encounters yesterday.  The permanent resident however tends to want to maintain relationships in one particular mode believing that will give them stability.  So they tend to try to hold other people in their perception ‘one dimensionally’, usually based on the earliest encounters.  They thereby easily lose the ‘fluidity’ of their relationships.

Temporary Residence

As a guest we are fully aware that we only ever live as a temporary resident in a temporary location.  Moving on is recognised as inevitable so there is no shock to the system when it’s time to go.    The guest is always ready to pack whatever they need and move onto the next location and into the next scene. The permanent resident is more likely to be frequently anxious about ‘what may’ happen, ‘what if’ they have to move on, ‘when will’ they be able to find the comfort of permanence in an every changing and impermanent world!

Creative Challenge

As a guest there is a continuous challenge to use ones creative capacity to make the best of wherever we are and whatever is in our lives. This generates some of the deeper satisfactions in life as life itself is designed to be a creative exercise.  The consciousness of the permanent resident however, easily forgets their creative potential and tends to use their energy protectively, as opposed to creatively, thereby unknowlingly suppressing an intrinsic joy.

Change Ready

As a guest we are accustomed to and ready to meet and respond proactively to unpredictable change.  So when large or small changes do come we are neither surprised or shocked.  We are not ‘phased’.  The permanent resident, on the other hand, is always feeling somewhat insecure as they have no way of knowing or controlling whatever change happens in the world around them.  They are the worriers. They are much less ready, willing and able to respond effectively to an ever changing world.

Travel Light

As a guest we can only carry so much with us materially and mentally.  Compared to the permanent resident we travel lightly and therefore step forward with a lightness of spirit.  We pack the ‘case of life’ only with the essentials.  Whereas the permanent resident has the tendency to define their life by how much they can get in all their trunks!  So they tend to travel through life with a heaviness that can be energy draining. 

Attitude of Gratitude

As a guest we are grateful for all the large and small things that come our way each day. All are gifts.  Good fortune is accepted as a blessing from a benevolent universe despite the gloominess of others.  Not such good fortune is taken as a message that something on the journey may be briefly out of synch. Yet we are grateful for the signal and easily adjust.  Both forms of fortune are embraced as part of life’s rich and varied pageant.  The permanent resident however finds it harder to expand their capacity to be grateful since they tend to be more on the lookout and ready to defend against whatever misfortunes may shake their sense of permanence.

It’s not that the guest has abdicated their responsibilities and ‘free float’ their way through daily life.  It’s just that ‘guest consciousness’ doesn’t take the changing scenes and circumstances of life quite so seriously and therefore quite so fearfully.  They are much more able to surf the waves of life, steer a creative course through life and meet their responsibilities in life, with a lighter touch, a more joyous touch.  And while the authorities have us all down as permanent residents of some country or county, some shire or town, it doesn’t stop us from adopting the consciousness of the guest as we negotiate and play the scenes of daily life, ever ready to let go and move on, not to the next country or next town, but just to the next scene.

The guest is like water while the permanent resident is like the rock.  One is almost always flowing, occasional gurgling and yet sometimes completely still.  It nourishes everything that it touches.  Whereas the rock is almost immovable and refuses to let anything in.

* How would you generally describe your approach to life?

 * Why do you think we can easily loose our fluidity and get stuck?

* In what areas of your life and in what ways could you experiment with ‘guest consciousness’? 

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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach

Detached Observation

Detachment does not mean we don’t care about what is going on in the world, or that we avoid what is coming to us from the world.  Detachment does not mean coldness or hardness.  It just means we learn to stand back and observe for a moment where before we would have allowed ourselves to be instantly sucked in to the dramas of others.  Detachment gives us that ‘space of time’ to create a measured response and not be overruled by a habitual reaction.  It allows us to check our perception of what is coming to us and what is happening around us.  And that can be as simple as seeing a situation as a problem or as an opportunity.  Or it can be as deep as a shift from seeing the world as a dark and dangerous place to the world as an adventure playground.  That one inner shift alone allows us to stop taking things so seriously and start being more creative and playful.  The art of detachment also allows us to move from actor to audience and back again – one moment just observing and getting a sense of things, and the next moment fully engaging. 

This inner observational ability, sometimes known as ‘detached involvement’, means the world ceases to crowd our mind and randomly shape our thoughts and feelings.  In learning to take time to just be watchful prior to the creation of our decisions and actions we can see with a deeper awareness, think with greater concentration and make our decisions with greater clarity.  By standing back internally and learning to watch life’s flow we naturally become less influenced by all those forces over which we have no control.  And in so doing there is weakening of the feeling that we are at the mercy of events, and an increasing sense that we have greater control over our own destiny.

Filtering Wisely
In the age of information overload it becomes essential to filter out what is of value and what is not.  We find it hard to remember what was in the newspaper or on TV two days ago simply because it had no value to us.  Discerning what has value, which usually turns out to be very little, helps us not to waste time and energy.  So much of the information that catches our attention ‘out there’ is simply stories of others lives, a form of local or global gossip, which we don’t need to know. By filtering out only that which is truly of value to us and not consuming or being consumed by it, we help our self to remain mentally fresh, emotionally stable and use our time and energy in the most worthwhile way.  Life is neither short nor long, but it is a span of experience in which we get an opportunity to create something that is both valuable for others and fulfilling for ourselves.  If we spend that time consuming the creativity of others we will miss the opportunity to know and use the full potential of our own creativity.  And there is always a good chance we just might end up with a bad dose of ‘information indigestion’.

Recovering Stability
We may have realised that all our stress in life is self-created.  We may have realised that our stressful thoughts and feelings are of our own making as we respond to people and events.  We may have therefore decided to take full responsibility for our ‘ability to respond’.  But still certain people and situations are able to ‘press our buttons’ and we react emotionally, pushing our self off balance again.  At this point many give up the process of empowering themselves by restoring self-responsibility (response-ability), and they revert to old patterns in which they allow the pain that stress is, to habitually recur.  But if we can practise recovering our stability we might eventually find our self stress-free in what were previously stress-triggering situations.

This means that when we do react negatively and ‘lose the plot’ we then take time to sit quietly and centre ourselves.  Where there is stress, where there is any form of ‘reactivity’, it means we are not in control, our emotions are controlling us.  There is some form of emotional disturbance, which can be likened to a storm within our consciousness.  But if we can learn to return to the centre of our consciousness, to the ‘eye of the storm’, we will always find our peace and our power. Today that may take 10 minutes, tomorrow 8 minutes, the next day 5 minutes, and so on until one day no minutes.  It is this kind of sustained inner work that we all get the chance to practice every day.  Even the greatest saints and the so called enlightened masters would have practised this vital aspect of self management in the face of the everyday changing textures and colours of the many varied scenes and personalities of life’s rich pageant.

The question you should be asking is on which relationships/situations do you think you would benefit from applying the above inner skills?

You might want to reflect on how you see yourself responding i.e. thinking and acting differently, if you practiced each of the above.

Take an action to dedicate at least two days to each of the above self-management skills this week and consciously apply in practical situations.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual lIfe Coach