Happiness
It is the art of living and giving, the purpose of our existence. Happiness is the true index of quality of life. Without happiness, life is dry and meaningless. With happiness, life immediately becomes fulfilling and wonderful. Happiness is an infectious feeling that immediately lifts the sagging spirits of people. Happy people keep themselves happy because they know the little ways to appreciate themselves and to see the humour and magic in each moment.
What does happiness mean to you? There’s a lot of searching going on these days for the elusive emotion of “being happy” – where do you find it, how do you create it, even what it actually is?
But I’d like to share a little secret with you — happiness is not just for a lucky few who were born with it.
You see, happiness is not something you can reach out and touch or put in the refrigerator and take a sip when you need it. Happiness is not found on a beach in Hawaii (really!) or in a perfect body. It’s not even in that perfect relationship that Tom Cruise tries to sell us in the movies.
Yet from the images bombarding you every day, it’s easy to make the mistake that happiness will arrive on your doorstep when you have the latest car, the best clothes, a fancy home, isn’t it? It’s easy to get caught in the trap of thinking that if you could just find the right person, they’d arrive with a box of happiness attached to their hip. But all this does is convince you that happiness is something to be found outside of yourself.
And that’s where you get off track. Because the secret is that happiness is simply a by-product of creating and living a life that works, a life that you enjoy — whatever that is. Happiness comes from doing what you want, where you want to do it, who you want to do it with.
And yes, I can hear all of you — “But I can’t get the job I want because I’d have to go to school for 8 years, and I have to live here because I can’t afford to move, and what do you mean ‘who I want to do it with?’ ” because I want to hang out with Bill Gates or Oprah Winfrey or Bill and Hillary Clinton or Obama or Miss/Mr Universe or Miss World or whoever you wish to hang out with”.
And thank you all for making my point for me.
You see, happiness starts by believing you have control over your life; and grows by making choices that will give you a sense of well-being, satisfaction. Happiness comes from deciding that you will go to school for 8 years if that’s what it takes. That you will organise your life until you can afford to move. And that YOU decide who to hug, how much to smile, what music you listen to, and who you hang out with, even if it’s not Bill and Hillary or that Miss or Mr. you’ve been yearning for.
Happiness is about making the best choices you can about who you spend your time with, how you’re making your living, how much you learn, what you put into your body. Because when you feel good about the space you’re in, when you’re with people you admire and respect and they admire and respect you, when you’re working on a project that’s meaningful to you — happiness will shine right through.
And that’s no secret.
Decide today once and for all to stop chasing happiness, and instead choose three things that you love to do, that contribute to your feeling of well-being and satisfaction. Schedule time for them, every day if possible, every week at least. It doesn’t have to be for a long time, just 10 minutes a day will help you create the happiness that you’re looking for. Guaranteed!
And that’s no secret either.
In a search for happiness, many people look for it in other people and not within ourselves. Many people feel that things such as money, a better job, better relationships etc. will make them happy. Does any one of this really make you happy? Be honest now in the secrecy of your heart. In reality, to find true contentment you must look inside yourself and learn to be your own best friend. That means you.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
I’ve Got Some Tips to Become Happier & More Empowered
In a search for happiness, many people look for it in other people and not within ourselves. Many people feel that things like money, a better job, better relationships etc. will make them happy. In reality, to find true contentment you must look inside yourself and learn to be your own best friend. That means you have to trust, love, and care for yourself just as you do the people you consider to be close and dear to you.
Following are steps that you can incorporate into your life that will help you to feel more empowered and happy about yourself!
Begin to lift yourself up, not put yourself down. How often on a mental level have you done this to you consciously and or unconsciously? Very often? Most of the time? Sometimes? Well stop it! If you don’t like something about yourself, work to change it. If you can’t change it, simply accept it. Don’t beat yourself up with negative self-talk. You’re not likely to change for the better when you fill yourself with negative thoughts.
Give yourself positive rewards by talking to yourself nicely, even if you do not believe it at first. “Fake it till you make it” as I often recommend participants in all my Emotional Intelligence seminars and in all my Coaching sessions. When you do something that you are proud of give yourself a small reward. When was the last time you gave yourself a present? Present does not necessarily mean material present. It may mean a simple short stroll, looking at the sun whilst rising and o setting, talking to anyone you meet even if you don’t like it. Just talk and the energy will soon shift. Try not to wait for others to praise you (you don’t need to) because you may grow resentful if the praise doesn’t come. Pat yourself on your back. Join all your fingers, bring them to your lips and put them on each of your cheeks. It is a great feeling that can stay with you for a long time. This may look and feel somewhat crazy and funny but it works. It does work with me. I do it whenever I feel like it: in the underground, on the bus, nearly everywhere. It’s magical. When some people see me do this, they are likely to think, “This guy is crazy, he’s out of his mind!”. I don’t care. I do it for myself. Some on the other hand, smile at me and they begin to join me in the process.
Forgive yourself. I doubt that you would keep scolding a child over and over for making a “mistake” so don’t do that to yourself. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness when you make a “mistake”. There’s no such thing as a mistake. It’s just that you were expecting something different, NOT a mistake! Do NOT label or call it a “mistake”. After that, work to figure out what lesson you can learn, and use it to make better choices the next time around.
Enjoy your successes and even rejoice your “failures”. Again, we often call things if we can’t get the desired outcome, a 'failure'. It is NOT a “failure”! It is just not the result you wanted! Most people can remember all of the details of depressing, painful or even embarrassing events that happened many years ago. What if you did the same thing with all of your wins and successes? Try to remember all of the triumphs and accomplishments that you’ve made and keep that memory with you and think about it at least once a week.
Always remember to celebrate your wonderful qualities! Again, ‘celebrate’ does not necessarily mean material celebration. There are countless ways of celebrating without spending a single cent. If you have some spare money go and do it; if you’re penniless, well and good too. Who fooled you into believing this that to celebrate you need some money? Rubbish! You will soon discover that the more you love yourself, the more you will be able to give love to others – and the more others will be able to love you!
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
Tips on How to Eradicate Depression
This article is all about beating depression. I am a person who suffered from long bouts of depression, however after deciding to change my whole outlook on life, I now have a much happier, successful and stress-free life. I will explain how I went about achieving this new life.
As I grew older and especially when I was in my early twenties, I used to always compare my life with other people I knew, for example my friends. It seemed to me that my life was so much more of a struggle than what theirs was and that most of these people had so much more going for them and so much more to look forward to than I did.
I was not happy at the hand of cards I had been dealt and would regularly be down in the dumps, feeling sorry for myself. I had a number of issues in my life which had a major impact on my self-confidence and self-esteem, which would also lead me into depression. This issues including a weight problem, a money problem, a stutter, a bald patch on my head, some grey hair and I am quite short in height compared to the average man.
I was in a regular state of depression and found it very difficult to pull my self out of it. The stress for example of socialising when you have a stutter and trying to gain employment would take a lot out of me. My hair started to turn grey when I was only thirty-one years of age.
I was not content at always being depressed and at the age of thirty, I decided to attempt to change my whole life. I had to have a whole new approach and a totally different thought process, in a nutshell I needed to chill out, think in a far more positive way and learn how to de-stress.
This was not going to be easy however it was essential to do. I started to read many self-help type books and did countless seminars about eradicating depression. I learnt many things such as worrying about a situation makes it even harder, not easier and that in life all you can do is to try and do your best, therefore whatever the outcome you can feel proud that you gave it your best shot. It is also important to remember that we only live once and that that life could come to an end tomorrow, therefore we should treat every day as if it is the last and to enjoy ourselves.
The main change I made was that I started to think and compare my life to people I was reading about in the newspapers or watching on the television instead of comparing my life to my friends for example. From learning about countries in the third world and reading about certain disasters and terrorist acts, I realised what a fool I had been and that I was actually one of the lucky ones. If and when I start feeling down or depressed, I quickly switch on the news and it soon shakes me out of that temporary depressive state.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
Three Inspirations for Happiness
The following three inspirations were adapted from A Daily Dose of Happiness, and they represent three key ways to increase our happiness.
1. FORGIVING FOR HAPPINESS
We like to think we are better than our friends below us in the food chain, such as the octopus and the snail. After all, we have love. We feel happiness. We have empathy. We have conscience. We can reason.
We can also hold onto grudges.
Grudges are, in fact, prickly little creatures that worm their way into our hearts. Holding onto them is a self-defeating, self deprecating exercise.
Fortunately, forgiveness is also uniquely human. Forgiveness washes away and cleanses the spirit. Forgiveness let’s get on with enjoying our lives instead of being preoccupied with, worried about someone else’s. Forgiveness opens the door to happiness. It does! For those of you who have been holding grudges on to someone else for years, it's time to wipe that slate out clean and “write” another chapter of your life there.
2. SUPPORTING FOR HAPPINESS
When things seem to be very bleak, it does not take much to lift someone’s spirits. Sometimes all it takes is to let somebody know they are not alone.
That is why it is so important to smile at people, even if you force it at first especially if they look down. This’ll come naturally afterwards. And if you know what is weighing the person down, let them know they are not alone. Don’t go burdening them with all your miseries, but let them know you have been there.
Guess what? You will feel happy for having helped them, too.
3. ACCEPTING FOR HAPPINESS
There is no such thing as happiness if you are not at peace with yourself. Too many people just don’t know how to make peace with themselves.
Peace begins with acceptance. Whether we agree with everything we do (like the environmentalist who sometimes throws out a recyclable container), it is important to accept what we do.
Do we always make the best choices? Definite not! But they are the choices we make. It was the best choice at the time or we wouldn’t have chosen that option in the first place. Does this make sense?
Do we always treat people with the most respect? No! But it is how we treat people, don't we?
Can we improve? YES, definitely, and we should and must I should say. But that is a project for the future. First we must accept who we are now, rather than condemning ourselves. Then we can move to improve the person we will be tomorrow. Both acceptance today and improvements tomorrow will increase our happiness.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
Thoughts and visualisation a powerful combination against negativity
You are your thoughts, all that arises, arises from our thoughts, we make the world with our thoughts. – Buddha.
There is a Hindu story about a man, lost in a forest, who, late in the night, comes across an abandoned house. When he enters the one room building, he is sees a small cot highlighted by the light of the moon. As he lays down to rest, he notices in the dim light, a chair in the far corner and on the chair – a small coil – a snake. The stranger stays as quiet and motionless as possible. Several times he thought the snake was beginning to slither and hiss – his heart pumps faster and faster – he has trouble breathing.
With the dawn, the owner of house returns and finds the stranger dead.
He removes the coil of rope from the chair and goes about preparing the body for cremation.
That may be an extreme example, but the story illustrates the power of our thoughts – we are what we think and many people think the worst. Much of the problem is caused by the blanket of negativity that covers us everyday of our lives – the doom-boom in today’s media, pessimistic friends, unenthusiastic colleagues and the worst source of all – ourselves.
A recent study in the United States shows that Americans spend three days out of ten in a bad mood – all that negativity. The problem is we never take the time to be aware of our thoughts, we allow the river of negativity to constantly flow through our minds.
The first step in building a dam to stop this flow of negative thought is be aware of your thoughts – you must make a determined effort to take notice when you think in the negative. ‘Think before you think’ I often suggest anyone I come across with when spotting negativity in them. To help you become more aware of your negative thinking, for several days – carry a notepad and pencil and jot down all your negative thoughts (I did this for years as a sort of personal exercise) – find out how many times your thought process has to deal with negativity during your waking hours – if you are honest in your note-taking, you will likely be surprised and alarmed.
Once you have taken this first step to be aware of your negative thoughts, you can use the art of visualization as the cement to hold the negativity dam together – with visualisation you’re setting up a powerful see and think one-two punch for positive thinking.
Example – if you’re at your computer as you read this, look down at your keyboard. First, zero in to the delete key – focus hard – burn the picture of the delete key into you mind. Think about deleting negative thoughts.
Next, focus on the control key on your computer keyboard – control for taking control of your life.
Use the screen of your mind to help you switch from negative to positive. Remember, be aware of your thoughts then control them though visualisation – repetition and persistence is the key to positive thinking.
We become what we believe. – Sanskrit proverb
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
This human body is the divine vault of power storehouse of 7 jewels
Generally while discussing Kundalini Shakti* (Divine Serpent Power) we talk of 6 Chakras but in reality they are 7 in number. Sahasrar or the 1000-petalled lotus is the pinnacle of all Chakras. Because it is in the brain it is considered a chief. It is labelled extraordinary because there are 5 Chakras in the Merudanad (spinal chord), the Ajna Chakra between the eyebrows and then the Sahasrar in the head region.
The 7 Lokas (worlds) are described. Their names are Bhooha, Bhuvaha, Svaha, Mahaha, Janaha, Tapaha, Satyam. Even in the Islamic scriptures it is said that God resides in the 7th heaven. Since ancient times a similar description is given in the Christian religion too. The planet Earth is one yet 7 classes of creatures reside on it viz. sand, stone, trees, herbs, minerals, water.
One should note that the 7 worlds can never be found in the inter-stellar space of our material universe. They are neither there up in the sky nor below our planet Earth. In reality they are present in human consciousness. Because the macrocosm (universe) is present in the microcosm (human psyche). Hence instead of straying away in the external world these 7 Lokas should be looked for within i.e. in our consciousness. Thus one can contact these worlds.
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* Shakti is a Hindi word meaning 'power'
According to Ayurvedic medicine the body has 7 minerals and they are blood, skin, juices, flesh, bones, marrow and semen. Although these are visibly separate, yet they are tightly interwoven within. All these 7 put together constitutes our gross body. When the 7-fold aspects of the individual is discussed, it includes length, breadth, height (the 3-fold aspect i.e. holography), special orientation (time-space) and the fifth is anti matter. It is the fifth aspect which corresponds to the subtle body that harbours extrasensory potential. The sixth aspect is the thinking process and the seventh is divine sentiments. The first 4 aspects are inert and the remaining three are aspects of consciousness.
Before killing Vali Lord Ram displayed his divine prowess to Sugreeva by uprooting 7 trees simultaneously with one arrow only. In reality these 7 trees correspond to the 7 Chakras of our subtle body. Because Abhimanyu had not awakened these 7 Chakras in an apt manner he could not come out of the Chakravyuha net laid down by the Kauravas despite the fact that he had attained divine wisdom while yet in his mother Uttara’s womb. Kundalini Shakti (Divine Serpent Power) is so valuable that it has been locked in the 7 Chakras of our subtle body which are the locks of a divine vault.
When we talk of the 7 Chakras (plexuses) they are situated in this order from the base of the spine viz. 1. Mooladhar 2. Svadhishthan 3. Manipoor 4. Anaahat 5. Vishudhi 6. Ajna 7. Sahasrar. Along with the Ajna Chakra at certain places they mention a Bindu Chakra too. Thus Sahasrar (Brahmarandhra) is considered the ultimate station in the form of a 1,000-petalled lotus or the 1,000-headed serpent. In reality together with this there are only 7 Chakras wherein the Sahasrar rules over the lower 6 Chakras. It is very much similar to the pituitary gland being the chief of all endocrine glands. These 6 Chakras can be said to be both separately situated and also as related to one another just as seasons of a single year are related to one another. They are also called stones of 6 miles and that the 7th one instead of being a stone is a sacred temple.
A certain sect of Yogis call these Chakras as 7 bodies i.e. 1. Physical body 2. Etheric body 3. Astral body 4. Mental body 5. Spiritual body 6. Cosmic body 7. Divine body. The physical body can be seen with our gross eyes. The organs within the body can be perceived by touching them or via other means.
The second body is that in which thoughts are born. Here one experiences likes/ dislikes, respect / insult, one’s own / aliens, contentment / discontentment, union / separation and other such sweet / bitter experiences. This is the etheric body which the Theosophists label as etheric double. They think it is synonymous with the Prana Kosha or the vital sheath. But in actuality it has a more widespread boundary. This is seen and measured as ‘Biofluxes’. Leadbeater had discussed this through “Man-Visible-Invisible”. It is also called the Ideosphere.
The third body is related to thoughts, logic, intellect, and divine intellect. It is related to social behaviour, civilized behaviour, ideology, liking, culture etc. In the mental body there is ecstatic experience of artistic skills and in it manifest delicate emotions. This is the world of sensitivity. In this body resides compassion, generosity, ideals etc. The fourth body is the mental body in which glory manifests and our daring and valour matures over here. It is on this basis that man authors his future. If it is aptly utilized man reaches the pinnacle of his life and if its distorted, it leads to his downfall.
The fifth body is the spiritual body and is a storehouse of extrasensory potential. The sub conscious mind is within its jurisdiction. In the sixth body are created Rishis, men of austerities, Yogis, men of self-control etc. In the seventh body the difference based on “mine and yours” is overcome. Over here is awakened the sentiment of “world as one single family” and that “all beings are a part of my very soul”. Here one experiences one’s soul and the body of Brahman. This is the area of heaven and spiritual liberation.
In the Shiva Purana there is a strange legend about Shiva’s son Skand or Kartikeya’s birth. Lord Shiva felt that he needed to beget a valiant son who would overcome the demons and establish the reign of demi-gods. Thus he accepted the prayer of the demi-gods. Shivaji’s semen manifested as fire. Parvati, his consort, was unable to bear this fire and hence Vaishwanar took the form of a female and imbibed this semen in the form of fire in her womb. When Skand was born he manifested so much divine brilliance that there was a problem as to who would rear and nourish him. Parvatiji did not have any experience. Hence this task was taken up by the 6 Kritikas (Pleiades Stars). They reared and nourished Skand. Skand manifested 6 mouths so as to drink milk from the 6 Kritikas. Hence Kartikeya is also called Shadanan (6-headed). As soon as he gained might he attacked the demons and by gaining victory over them he asked the demi-gods to take over the reins.
This Skand incarnation should be looked upon as the group of the 6 Chakras (plexuses) related to Kundalini Shakti along with its influence. Shiva’s Retas (semen) is nothing but Kundalini fire power and in order to imbibe it the inner Vaishwanar is invoked. The 6 Chakras as the 6 Kritikas give milk and by becoming a valiant soul in the intense arena of the soul, a realized spiritual aspirant who has activated his Kundalini power utilises it for pious spiritual goals.
These 6 Chakras present in the subtle part of the Merudand can be compared to powerhouses of electricity and also transformers. Its function is to attract energy in the subtle world and thus nourish the gross, subtle and casual bodies.
According to Tantra Science the chief powers of the world are classified in 7 ways: Parashakti, Jnanshakti, Icchashakti, Kriyashakti, Kundalinishakti, Matrishakti and Guhyashakti. The union of all these are called “Grand Unification of Farsus” and material research is being conducted in this field.
In spiritual science one finds a description of 7 worlds, oceans, mountains, continents etc. It cannot be correlated to Geography. Because in reality it is a description of the spiritual arena along with its creation and potential. These 7 are the vault of jewels and in it one finds all that which man requires in his gross and subtle life.
Let us pray for material/spiritual prosperity and unite the world peacefully as a family so as to create: A beautiful borderless world.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
The Work-Life Balance
Balance is a nice word but the reality is hard to pin down. It may not even put us on the right track in our 21st century quest for fulfillment and happiness. In this article we will talk about the integration of work and family life, beginning not with the workplace and the employer’s role in sorting things out, but with the person and her priorities.
Generally than people talk about work-life balance they mean the challenge of managing their family commitment when they’ve got children, while juggling the demands of a career. That’s the traditional focus, but the concept has evolved quite a bit. There are now many younger people in the workforce, in their late 20s and early 30s, who may not even have a home or family but they want a sense of balance in their life.
Often we are thinking of some sort of perfection, where nothing is out of place, there’s no stress, and this of course is unrealistic. It automatically means a trade-off between work and life. If I give more time to my family I won’t be able to do my job properly, or if I spend more time on the job my family will suffer. Yet I want to be able to have it all, to do it all, right now.
Let’s think about integration, which means bringing the various pieces of our lives into a cohesive whole. We each have many roles, goals, responsibilities and life plans. We have to get it together. The attractive idea of finding ways to bring life into a unity will give us the harmony and happiness we seek.
Experience shows what people who have very clear priorities and their own clear definition of success succeed best at balancing their lives. They know what’s most urgent and important in their lives. These are people who can say, before it happens: If I have to make a choice, if work and family come head to head, I know what my biggest priority is. People who realise it may have to slow down their career for a period of time, perhaps while a child is younger, and have a less demanding job so they can have more time at home. And they can be at peace with that, because their definition of success is not necessarily the one that society tells them.
Usually we have to just go through life and let the new promotion or the new demands of the job dictate what you do, to feel you don’t have a choice. This is not balanced life road. We need to stop and reflect, communicate more with your husband, your wife, your manager at work, and basically be more pro-active.
The today’s truth is that we have too much to do. Technology has changed things and made people accessible 24 hours a day, encroaching on the peaceful time people used to have. Yet some things don’t change. We still have 24 hours a day. We all have the same amount of time and how we use it comes down to a personal choice.
The disorganization traits usually come from avoiding the choice and try to do too much. Even a simple thing like, ‘What are we going to have for dinner tonight?’ can become a huge job if we feel, ‘Oh, I’ve got a lot of work and will not be able to do the grocery shopping.’ Obviously, if we have the knowledge and skills to make something simpler than we’re going to gain more time. This is what AcePlanner is built on – using good systems to simplify daily tasks so you don’t spend inordinate amounts of time on work.
For balanced life planning and other basic management skills have to be used at home as well as in the workplace. One of the reasons why many people prefer going out to work to working at home is what we’re very organised in the workplace, we use time management there, and then we come home and just ride the waves, consuming ourselves with the latest problem that has cropped up.
However, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to go out to work. We do need multiple interests to enrich our lives and many times we have talents that we need to give to the workplace and to the world. But it is true that work on the job is often more attractive because it is more project-oriented and very linear, and at the end of that piece of work we get the praise and a sense of accomplishment, whereas at home every day it’s the same thing.
Human beings have certain basic needs that have to be taken care of every day, and although we can feel a sense of accomplishment that we have organised something at home, it’s soon going to be dirtied and soiled again, or another meal is going to have to be put on the table. And this means changing your sense of where you get your satisfaction – not just from accomplishing the task or from the process of doing it, but from the motive.
We are all expecting a reward or praise for completed work. Lack of reward will kill our desire to work what leads to reduced productivity. This is why we prefer working for others than doing something for ourselves. Promise yourself a reward for completing each task or finishing the total job. For example let yourself watch an interesting movie when you finish developing page or new promotion plan.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
The Secret to Happiness and Maslow’s Hierarchy
“The secret to happiness is contentment” the Dali Lama once said to me when interviewing him at his home at Dharamsala, India, for my doctoral thesis at the University of Cambridge in the 1980s. If we are content with what we have, and where we are, then we are happy. Is this enough for you? This means not grasping for attainment of material objects or even spiritual understanding, but being content and just allowing life to happen. How does this help us to achieve the things we want?
I’m glad you asked! This brings me to Maslow’s theory on the hierarchy of human “needs”, the answer to that question is revealed within the following explanation and its accompanying story.
Maslow, was an eminent Psychologist who developed a theory on the psychological need of humans; it is often demonstrated in the form of a pyramid, and referred to in relation to Education, Motivation and Sales training.
A summary of his theory would be: that we humans have “needs” that must be satisfied in an order of priority, before higher ideals can be achieved the lower ideals MUST be met.
The order of these needs doesn’t change from individual to individual, they are as follows:
1. PHYSIOLOGICAL NEEDS: air, water, food, rest, exercise, etc.
2. SAFETY NEEDS: shelter, job security, retirement plan, insurance...
3. LOVE AND BELONGING: children, friends, partners...
4. SELF ESTEEM (1): fame, recognition, reputation, dignity...
5. SELF ESTEEM (2): confidence, achievements, freedom...
If we don’t meet all the needs in the lower levels we will always be in deficit and be trying to meet them before we can obtain the highest levels of complete self actualization and FREEDOM.
Here’s a story I wrote to illustrate Maslow’s theory in a practical situation, it’s illustrated in a negative context because most of us will understand it better this way. Note: (L5) means level 5 according to the list above.
The following is based on a true story; some details have been changed to allow for publishing here.
A Person’s car breaks down on an old dirt road in the Barclay plains it’s a scorching 44 degrees in the shade, but there aren’t any trees to provide shelter, he’s in the middle of nowhere, outback, Australia.
He was on his way to Darwin to give a lecture on Self Defence. He had been giving these talks for some time now and really enjoyed sharing his knowledge, not for the respect that others gave him, but because he is a master of the subject and it felt good doing it. (L4/5)
At first he wasn’t concerned about the situation and he allowed his mind to be free and ‘take in’, the beauty of the landscape, he started to reminisce about his friends and family, wondering what they’re doing at that time, then he turned on the radio and drifted off to sleep.
When he woke up he realised that he was feeling lonely and would love to have someone to talk to. (L3)
After a few hours he started to feel a little uncomfortable and realised that he could be in some danger so he tried to think of a plan for his safety.
After some time he decided to head off in search for help.
It started getting dark and he became really worried; his senses were tuned into every sound. (L2)
Then he realised that he hadn’t eaten since breakfast and that he was hungry and thirsty. (L1)
After two more days his only thoughts were about finding water to stay alive, he wasn’t concerned about eating because his body knew it could survive for weeks without food, but only a few days without water.
So then his immediate concern was for the basic need of water.
SUDDENLY!! Someone jumped on him from behind, and started to choke him he couldn’t breathe! Then his need for air was stronger than his need for water!
It was only a joke; his best friend had come looking for him when he didn’t turn up in Darwin on time.
He found the car then tracked his mate to where he found him, looking pretty rugged. Then as all good mates do, he decided to play a practical joke to give him a fright! They are still good friends today. -:)
The end.
The simple lesson here is this:
This story shows a person who had met all his needs and was at the highest level. He had truly manifested his dream into reality and how he quickly went into “Needs Deficit” (ND). Clearly we must walk before we can run, If we can’t breath we aren’t worried about water, we NEED air, our ND is air; this is a very basic example.
To look at it another way we could say that; trying to be a highly regarded successful whatever (4/5) will not be possible if we are in ND of (1, 2, or 3).
Our ND needs attention first; this doesn’t mean that if we don’t have a house and family we can’t achieve our dream ambitions.
On the contrary it means that we should, let go of our craving, yearning and striving to achieve success at any cost type of attitude, and maintain our lower levels of needs so that we can open the path to the higher levels.
Many of us, myself included have been guilty of forgetting about our needs for friends and family when we are trying to obtain the higher ideals of success.
This area can be a particular problem with the Internet, because it uses up so much of our time and attention.
If we maintain our basic needs we will be able share our dreams and talk about them and believe in them and be content and happy about them. Thus allowing our dreams to manifest into reality.
Doesn’t it make sense that with this kind of thinking we will all be able to move on to the higher levels of self actualization?
Maintain your ND and believe in your DREAMS the rest will happen!
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
The Root Cause and Permanent Solution for an Alcohol or Drug Addiction
The alcohol and drug problem in the West, and sadly enough, this is beginning or has already begun in the East as well, is huge and most of the standard addiction recovery and treatment programs aren’t working. Consider the following
CRIME: 25% of all prison inmates are there for drug related crimes. 16.4% are in prison for committing crimes to get money for drugs. 47% of crimes were committed while a person was on drugs or alcohol.
SEX: A lot of the sex outside of marriage wouldn’t happen if it weren’t for alcohol or drugs being used (although some other reasons here are valid) to try to drown out guilt and fear (which are nature’s feedback to try to stop us from doing something against its perfect order). And nature does other harsh things to try to stop sex outside of marriage. USA Today reported that shockingly, 1/2 of everyone under 25 years old in the United States has had an STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease). The U.S. Dept. of Health reports that there are 1.1 million current cases of AIDS/HIV in the United States. (So obviously, it needs to be recognised that nature is hostile towards sex outside of a monogamous, heterosexual marriage, or a sexless life which is the only sexual setting that nature doesn’t try to stop via harsh consequences). 80 percent of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare, costing the USA $7 billion annually. And a University of Georgia study reports that of those individuals who experienced unwanted sexual intercourse in the last year, 92.1% had been under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
ACCIDENTS: Alcohol is involved in 50% of all driving fatalities. In the United States, every 30 minutes someone is killed in an alcohol or alcoholism related-traffic accident. That amounted to 17,488 people last year alone.
MENTAL ILLNESS: Fifty percent of the mentally ill population has a substance abuse problem. In fact, 22 million Americans suffer from substance dependence or abuse due to drugs, alcohol or both, according to the Department of Health and Human Services.
EMOTIONAL HEALTH: The general emotional health of the public is very poor, as is evidenced by the high divorce rate and a teen suicide rate that is higher than the other 26 industrialized nations combined. (Could this be the reason why all or nearly all self growth courses and seminars started in the US?) Other indicators of the general state of the heart of America come from its entertainment industries: the shocking and harsh experiences in the movies, the rampant dysfunction on television, and the high percent of bad feelings (and the big void of good feelings) that come out of the music industry.
Now that’s the bad news. The good news is that there is a solution to all of this. That solution starts with understanding what the basic problem is. The basic problem behind alcoholism and drug abuse is that people aren’t finding happiness and fulfillment naturally. So then they attempt to achieve happiness and fulfillment (or escape their unhappiness and emptiness) by using alcohol or drugs. But those band-aids usually end up leading to a lot more unhappiness, health problems, financial problems, relationship breakups, legal problems, etc. A lot of hidden damage is done while in a stolen euphoria. But obviously those risks aren’t enough to outweigh the problems in a person’s emotional state or the lacking in their life that cause them to overlook the risks and dangers of alcohol and drug use.
So then, why are people so unhappy or unfulfilled that they would make that choice? The answer is simple: they are not operating in harmony with the natural design of their being. It starts with the fact that if a person has their natural drives unsatisfied for more than a normal period of time whilst searching for satisfaction, over time the frustration and lack of hope from this can cause them to become more dulled and depressed and even sleepy and prone to drugs to try to make their self feel good and not feel bad.
But, the good news is that the continual unnaturalness that led to this bad state can be reversed. And the process that will awaken them, enliven them and make them even feel good and excited about their life. The reason is that they are given hope that there is a real solution for their problems…and then they actually get satisfaction by carrying out that solution.
Teaching a person how to be happy naturally and in harmony with the real design, meaning and purpose of their life is the key to how they get the strength, joy and deep fulfillment that is necessary for them to have no inclination for alcohol or drugs. But, that’s easier said than done, and can only happen within the natural design of how we were made to be. That means first knowing what that design is. That can be a difficult thing to do in this world because there is a great amount of debate and disagreement as to what that design really is. But ‘the world’ in general, obviously has it wrong if there exists such a huge drug and alcohol problem and poor social statistics.
Having met someone in the top echelons of the music business as a former member of Sly & The Family Stone and The Elvin Bishop Group, knows alcohol and drug abuse well. But after experimenting with 22 approaches to lifestyle and personal growth, he became free from alcohol and drugs 24 years ago (after 18 years of use). He finally realised that fighting nature is not a battle that anyone can win and be happy. Therefore why even try?
Understanding and flowing with the natural order is how to make inner, outer and social life work at their best. But like I said, that is a task that is easier said than done, given that the mainstream culture in general is not in harmony with the natural order and is tolerant of a lot of dysfunction. Therefore, if a person wants to be free from a weakness for alcohol or drugs, they will have to go through a re-orientation of how the mind, heart and body are designed to function, and they will have to know how to have the strength and vision to transform into that design. My self-help Addiction Free Forever programme shows how to do all of those things.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
The Ride of Your Life: Who’s Driving?
One of the biggest challenges that most people face in the world we live in today, is the feeling that their lives are just spiralling out of control. They feel like the events and circumstances of their lives have lead them along a torturous route and that they have no control over all the misfortunes and wrong doings that brought them to this moment in time.
The truth is that your life will not change until and unless you assume full responsibility (response-ability) for it. Responsibility, or your ability to respond, is not a way of accepting some form of blame as most people think, but rather a way of accepting your ability to respond to any situation. It is absolutely critical to realise and accept that it is never the actual events of your life but only your responses to these events that will shape and create your life. You are never the creature of circumstances and you have the ultimate ability to consciously decide what things mean and how to respond to it. You are the only one that can and the only one that will take you where you want to go in your life. You are the creator of your own life.
Responsibility is not some skill you need to go and find outside of yourself but it is something you already possess. All you need to do is to assume this power that calls on you to stop blaming any and everything other than yourself. Most of us have been conditioned, programmed, trained and ‘educastrated’ (educated through castration) if you will to blame someone else for the parts of our lives that don’t work. When you take full responsibility for your life, when you take full charge of your life you put yourself back in charge; you get back in behind the wheel of your life; you’re the driver, not the passenger and now you have the ability to control and direct and re-direct your life the way you choose to. Ultimately it is not the conditions of your life but rather the decisions about what things mean and what you are going to do about it that will create the real conditions of your life.
When you are fully responsible and full charge of it you recognise that you are the creator of your life. At some level you were responsible (able to respond). If not by your conscious actions, then by the meanings and emotions you attached to the events and experiences. Only when you accept responsibility for creating everything in your life can you start to un-create and re-create it the way you truly want. If you keep blaming someone or yourself and something else you will remain bound because you will always rely on something or someone else to be responsible for the way you feel and ultimately someone else will be responsible for the state of your life. How you feel about yourself is all up to you. You have to consciously unfold your arms, get out of the back seat and get back behind the wheel and start directing, driving your life towards where you want it to go, instead of just going with the flow.
See, there are only two real choices in life, the one conscious and the other unconscious: you can either choose to be directed by people, events and circumstances of life and let the river of life take you wherever it’s going or you can have both your hands on the steering wheel and decide that you are in full control. You get to decide where you go. Firstly, be aware. What you are unaware of is in control of you. Although you can’t control all the events and circumstances of your life, you can always decide what the events mean to you and how you are going to respond, not to re-act. Whenever anything happens to you, you have to respond to it in order to create the outcome. It’s how you perceive people, things, events and circumstances. Change your perception of them and your feeling will change. That simple! Most people have fallen into the cultural hypnosis that just passes the responsibility on to someone else or to something else or their karma. This is why their lives feel out of control, because it is. They have not taken responsibility. They have not taken charge.
You create your world. When you assume your responsibility you are in charge and accountable and this is an internal shift in your thinking and behaviour. Your psychology is not just a big part of your life but it is “everything.” Winning and losing in life is an internal game. By learning to control and direct your mind through awareness you get to choose what things mean and therefore you get to choose your response, also known as your responsibility. No one thing or no one can ever give you responsibility. It is an internal process and a switch that only you can turn on or off.
Being fully responsible doesn’t mean you live in blame and self pity. Not at all! It means that you live life from a place of power where you know that on some level you are fully responsible and accountable for what happened and will happen and you will be responsible for everything that is to come. Be careful how you utilise your past experiences. With responsibility comes a new emotional territory that reinvents your past. You want to use your past as a place to learn from and a place to pull pleasure from. Right, wrong or indifferent, there is a gift in there somewhere. You just need to find it. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood in your adulthood life – you have the ability and the response (response-ability) to find an empowering meaning in whatever life gives you.
Responsibility means that you are in charge. You call the shots. Nobody and nothing is in control and to blame other than you, I mean, you’re not blame; you just need to be responsible and take charge that which you have to take charge for it. This is how you turn problems into opportunities and how an ordinary life becomes extraordinary. Helen Keller, who was both blind and deaf, said that life is either a daring adventure or nothing. What is it going to be for you? You can either let the environment steer your life or you can get behind the wheel and take responsibility for every aspect of your life and go for a wonderful drive of your life. Life is one amazing adventure, but only if you perceive it as that. By being responsible and accountable you can take yourself anywhere you want to go because you are the only one who gets to steer your ship and direct the course. You can’t control the wind but you can most certainly direct your sails and make good use of the wind. Where do you want to go? Do you know? No wind is favourable if you don’t know where you want to go.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
The Quest For a Happy Life
Would you consider yourself to be a happy person? You may say "Yes!". Oh yeah? Really? Let’s check it. Are you seeking ways which you could have a happier life? I am a person who basically is after a very simple and happy life. I do not crave fast cars, I do not wish to live in a huge mansion, I do not need to have lavish and expensive holidays abroad each year. In this article, I describe the type of lifestyle that would and does bring joy and happiness to my life.
I am a very proud (in a positive sense of the word) person and a father. I surround myself with children and these have an ability to make me smile when I am at my most depressed. They are very confident and live life to the full. They have an abundance of energy and are basically from what I can tell, having a very enjoyable childhood.
I was also engaged to be married and my fianceè was in full time employment. On most mornings, she would leave the house at around seven in the morning to go to work and will return home at around half past four in the afternoon. I was self-employed and this enabled me to take my time I wanted to. I love to be able to do this and this was a prime example of why I do. My son, Charles Winston who was five years of age then, woke up at about half past seven. I was already downstairs feeding our pet dog. He strolled down and asked if I could make him some breakfast. He did this with a huge smile on his face. He then ate his breakfast whilst watching some of his favourite television programs.
A little later, I handed him his clothes and asked him to get dressed. As it is quite a hot day, he wore his shorts and looked so cute later as we walked to school, as he was also wearing his cap. As he lined up outside his classroom, he started to talk to his teacher and to his friends. I thought to myself that most fathers would never have the pleasure of seeing their children in these situations and I felt very happy and contented. Most fathers just like my fianceè, would leave the house early and would not arrive home until after school has finished. I was sure a lot of them liked it this way, but I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my own son.
I did not earn a massive amount of money as a self-employed person, however, I was able to earn enough to have what I considered then to be a good quality of life. I wanted to be able to continue this standard of living by working hard to keep my ‘business’ alive. My accountant believed I should be working longer hours and that if I did, I could probably double my earnings. This may well be true, but it would no doubt come at a price. In my opinion, money is not the be all and end all. Money was and is not something that made and makes me happy, spending the maximum amount of time with my son did.
I was not envious of people when they told me how much they earned, or when they told me what car they drove, or when they told me that they had just bought a villa in Tenerife, Spain for example. I was very happy as I was and these things were just not important to me. Each to their own of course.
I have in the past worked in what most people would call a nine to five environment. At this stage of my life I did not have any children and I was happy to work there.
As a full time employed person, I am now able to work at different times of the day and a lot of the work I do, I do in the evenings when my son and fianceè have gone to sleep.
I think I am one of the lucky ones and hope that this happiness continues for months and years to come. I am sure that my son also enjoys the fact that I am able to spend so much quality time with him.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
The Power of Positive Thinking
Welcome to the bridge of Manifest life. Don’t let any situation take control of it. You are the second master of the game, under the universe master law, what you think is what you get. Can that be possible? Yes! You must have heard, watched and read The Secret.
Yes it can be, you got to be in a manifesting state: your mind and your body is one, not two.
The flow of energy that is rotating in the Universe can break you if you are not going in the right direction. You must follow the law of the Universe, and be happy. Do not worry about what is happening, but accept it and act towards a positive trend if it can be done, but never stay without acting when the bad situation, the non lucky time frame is falling on you, this is definitely a law of the Universe, and it will happen again and again, you got to do something, but the thing that will put you on the right track.
You must understand that; be careful, the Universe can’t be re-directed, rather you should follow the same direction, and profit from the tremendous flow of vital energy coming from the six directions.
Good force is there, but you must know how to avoid the bad forces. Although the positive forces are stronger, it is easy to fall in the wrong wave, and quite difficult to focus and stay on the right way.
So how can you be positive all the time? you think: nobody can do that.
No, a lot of people do it, what is the difference between them?
Two kinds of people: The sleeping, and the awake.
It is not the real sleep here, you should understand what the sleeper is: in fact, he is awake like everybody, so why is he a sleeper?
Just look around you, and try to find out: is that man awake or he is a sleeper? Do that exercise, and you will be astonished with the results, you will be able to feel people, to feel the energy, like you feel the wind touch on your skin.
He is a sleeper because he can’t control, he doesn’t see… Everyday, he wakes up like every people in this world (law of the Universe, nobody can change it), however, he is not satisfied with his life, it is just a matter of doing things because they got to be done, because everybody is doing that.
The sleeper acts, eats, does everything without vitality, without energy, without love, without passion, he is a sleeper, his life is empty.
Worst he doesn’t know what life is really.
We will complete the sleeping case, and start with the awake, the enlighten case.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
The Path to Happiness
Happiness is something that so many people strive for each day and yet many times it eludes them. Often, they feel that happiness can be theirs if only their situations were different. Have you ever felt like that?
So often we get caught up in what I call the “if only’s”. “If only my husband were nicer to me.”, “If only I had a better job.”, "If only the children were grown and out of the house." The list can go on and on.
We can waste so much of our precious time day-dreaming of the “if only’s”. So many people I know both in my seminars and out of them and people I still have to know fall into this trap and end up miserable most of their lives.
The problem is that they are looking for happiness to come to them somehow. As if it were something that could be possessed. When happiness does happen to come it seems so fleeting that it quickly passes away.
People erroneously think that happiness is just a feeling like some passing fancy. I am here to tell you that happiness is not a feeling, it can be a way of life. It is a way of life I would say. Happiness can be yours on a daily basis if you will only follow some basic principles.
Firstly, you must live in the NOW. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised to us so you need to be present in the now.
Secondly, you must control your thinking and the thoughts that pass through your mind. Happiness can be called a state of mind, a state of non-attachment to anything and anyone and the way to happiness is bringing your mind into its proper state.
If I live in Illinois, for example, and I want to be in California I need to change States. In order for me to be in that State I need to make some changes. In this analogy we will decide to take a plane. The plane must be going in the proper direction and we will arrive at our destination. We must know which plane we are on, or we may end up where we don’t want to be.
Think of this plane as your thoughts. That’s right, your plane of thought. If you don’t want to stay in Illinois you have to get on the right plane. If you let any 'plane' of thought into your mind then you will be taken to and fro and never arrive at the destination you want.
The question then is how do we get on the right plane?
The ticket to getting on the right 'plane' is called gratitude. Gratitude is an attitude and gratitude is an attitude of altitude and as we look to all that we have to be thankful for instead of dwelling on what our problems are we will find that we too can be whisked away to the state that we wish to be in.
There is a path to happiness and that path is gratitude. Simple, isn't it?
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
The Keys to Creating More Romance in Your Life Are Within You
Since most people express the desire to have more romance in their lives, it really begs the question: How do you create a romance that lasts? What’s the secret to energising your life with a lasting vibrant romantic energy?
It’s critical to embrace the concept that we create our own reality. From moment to moment we are literally creating the life we live out of a field of infinite potential. Thoughts, desires, attentions, and intentions are all crucial elements in manifesting the current reality in which we live.
Regardless of specific religious or metaphysical belief, it is universally agreed that beneath the physical beingness there is a spiritual beingness as well, and that the nature of this spirit is infinite. And since at the true core of our being we are infinite, by definition we possess unlimited creative potential.
The keys to unlocking and directing this potential, that is, creating our reality, have to do with the quality our intention and desire, and how and where we focus our attention. What we focus on becomes our reality (The Secret again). This is one of the immutable laws of our Universe.
Your intentions have great power. They organise the infinite field of potential and bring it into harmony with your desires. Attention, on the other hand, enlivens your reality. If you want more of something, put your attention on it. Intend that it be so. This powerful combination of intention and attention helps mold your living reality from moment to moment.
From this perspective, romance can be understood as a condition of loving reality that is created from moment to moment from and within the infinite field of pure potentiality. Often it happens spontaneously between two people: a man a man, a woman and a woman or a man and woman or better still a human being and another human being. Romance can even be applied to a man and Nature. This, of course, is a romance too. Roamnce between two people seldom lasts long, however, and even more seldom forever. It is possible, though, to create a lasting romance; it takes honest desire, loving intention, and constant loving attention. Like any life force, romance needs constant nurturing to grow and stay healthy.
So if you desire more romance in your life, start by thinking about the romance you want. Take time each day to envision your life with more romance in it. Try to visualise clearly what your life would be like, and how your conditions would change. Imagine yourself being romantic with someone else or any thing else in vivid detail. Write down on paper your vision and read it daily. Post it somewhere where you can see it often.
Also, examine your intention about romance. Are your intentions to create more love in your life, or are they about something else? And most important, are you committed to its creation? Over time are your really willing to do what it takes to manifest it in your life?
You can create anything in your life with honest and strong desire, positive and committed intention, and consistent loving attention. These are all keys to creating a lasting romance in your life as well.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
The Good Life
I was listening to the MSNBC on the radio the other day after my seminar in Manhattan when a feature came on entitled, ‘The Good Life’. They proceeded to discuss a $14,000 dessert being offered in Sri Lanka that included, amongst other things, an aquamarine. No kidding. This is how MSNBC characterises the good life. It struck me how in our culture we define the good life more in terms of the consumption of material goods than in relationship to any other quality.
Simply listen to the vast majority of contemporary music on the airwaves these days for confirmation. I know of two teenagers in my circle of friends I know all too well: Crystal champagne, expensive cars, first class jet airline seats, bling…the list goes on and on. This is what these kids are being taught: the good life is about having things, not about who you are as a human being. Where are these values coming from? I believe it is a trickle down effect from what they see being honoured in our society.
So if the good life is about having things, how is it that so many people who have so many material things including money have lives that lack so much satisfaction and meaning? I am not saying that having money is not a good thing, quite the contrary. We all need financial security for our physical security. We need to know that we can provide for our families and be free of the pressure of struggling to make ends meet. We all want to live a comfortable life in this material physical world. But where is the point of no return?
“Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.” – Albert Einstein (1879 – 1955), (attributed)
The Worldwide Institute in its 2004 State of the World report explains:
Societies focused on well-being involved more interaction with family, friends, and neighbours, a more direct experience of nature, and more attention to finding fulfillment and creative expression than in accumulating goods. They emphasise lifestyles that avoid abusing your own health, other people, or the natural world. In short, they yield a deeper sense of satisfaction with life than many people report experiencing today.
What provides for a satisfying life? In recent years, psychologists studying measures of life satisfaction have largely confirmed the old adage that money can’t buy happiness at least not for people who are already affluent (even those who are economically poor).
We often equate happiness with joy, pleasure, thrill, fun, with getting what one wants. This is what people ordinarily mean by happiness. You know what? They tell you ‘Get what you want and you’ll be happy!’ “I got what I want; I’m happy!”. This is not happiness my dears. This is simply getting what you want, not happiness. Again I say, happiness is a state of non-attachment to anything or to anyone. The disconnection between money and happiness in wealthy countries is perhaps most clearly illustrated when growth in income in industrial countries is plotted against levels of happiness. In the United States, for example, the average person’s income more than doubled between 1957 and 2002, yet the share of people reporting themselves to be “very happy” over that period remained static. Does money play a role in happiness then?
So if growth in income has not made people happier then obviously they are not living the good life. In order to clarify what the good life is, I do an exercise with clients in my Coaching sessions and in my Emotional Intelligence seminars that involves seeing themselves at some distant point in the future where they are finally who they want to be, they have what they want to have and are deeply satisfied and happy. In other words, they have achieved the ‘Good Life’.
Nearly one hundred percent of the time, without fail, clients do not have visions of extreme wealth. They really don’t talk about wealth at all, at least not in terms of money or possessions. They do not talk about living in a house with every known convenience and luxury. They do, however, talk about a home located in a beautiful setting, perhaps by the ocean or on a lake in the mountains. There is always talk about a place that gives them a feeling of peace and serenity - a place they were meant to be.
They never discuss possessions…ever! No talk of cars, televisions or fancy clothes. It just never comes up. They may mention that they are free to travel but certainly they do not say first class.
They describe themselves as a person who no longer fights feelings of depression, dissatisfaction or dissonance in their lives. They speak of a feeling of acceptance of what is. There is love in their lives although they don’t necessarily mention a specific mate. Just love. This led me to conclude that not even people: husband/wife, children, friends you’re living with whom you don’t feel love make you happy. There is discussion of deep wisdom accumulated over the years. There is also talk of being surrounded by the people who they hold dear, people they love. They meant the love not what Hollywood and Bollywood mean by love.
Often, if they have children, they will say that they are happy that they have been able to help their kids but more often is the description of children who have grown into responsible, loving and fulfilled human beings. They describe with pride children who are contributors to the world. I hear about pets in the house and perhaps grandchildren. These are folks who have discovered what truly has meaning for them and what they really value.
“Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values.” – Ayn Rand (1905 – 1982)
Values! Yes, values. What are the things to which you attach value? What is important to you? If you had to create a list of the top five things that you value, what would they be? Would it be money, possessions, power, stature and authority? Would it be love, family, integrity, freedom and compassion? Or a combination?
“Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value.” - Albert Einstein (1879 – 1955)
We have all heard the adage about what the epitaph on our tombstone will say or not say. Will it say that they had powerful jobs, they flew first class, that they had a Mercedes Benz, a Porche, a BMW, an AUDI, a Lambo, a Limo and wore only designer clothes? More often you will read on a tombstone that they were loving mother/father and wife/husnband, a charitable person and an outstanding member of the community. Think about how you would like to be remembered? What would you like to hear people say about you at your funeral or memorial? Will it be on how much money you made or how much you consumed? Doubtful?
I remember the funeral of a very dear friend who died suddenly while he was still in his fifties. The priest said that all we have in the end is our good name. Who we were, how we lived, how we loved, our empathy and compassion, service to the world we lived in and the legacy we left to our children and their children and people at large.
My own personal take on the 'good life', at least to me, involves the following: I want to be a person who possesses a deep appreciation for everything that I have: to be grateful. I want to be able to live without the fear of not being able to take care of my kids and myself and yes, I do want to live well. Living well for me is a lovely home in nature; it is being free to travel; it is having the ability to help my kids get a good start in their adult lives; it is having just enough money to be able to take good care of myself and to also be charitable. I want to have a life that is filled with meaning, with a deep connection to the world around me.
What is your 'Good Life'? Take the time now to give a thought to the life that you want to live, the life that you would describe as the 'Good Life'. Make sure that it is aligned with your values and your passions and to so you must connect with your values and passions. What are they? Think long and hard about what brings you real joy and fulfillment. Remember those times in your life when you were the happiest…what resonated for you in those moments? Consider how you want to be remembered, how you want to look in your children’s eyes or lack of them if you are childless. What traits do you admire in others and how you can adopt some of those traits? What have been peak experiences in your life and what was it about those experiences that made them so special?
These are the kind of questions that beg our attention. These are the questions that will ultimately lead us to the 'Good Life', to a ‘Prosperous New Year’ we all wish everyone at the beginning of each year. Not the $14,000 dessert but a life well lived. With meaning, love, comfort, joy and fulfillment.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
Test Your Emotions and Outside Stimuli
How much are your emotions affected by outside stimuli? This will be a difficult question to answer for anyone – Are You Happy? If yes, how much? Are you happy under all circums-tances? At all the times? Everywhere? Are you happy even if you meet an old enemy? Someone you hold grudges with? Are you happy when you have no money? Are you happy filing your Tax returns? Are you happy when you find your favourite candidate losing? Or your team losing? I can hear you say a big ‘NO!’ But why not? We are happy or unhappy depending on what is happening to us in and around us. Happiness is only one of the emotional states. All our emotions get affected greatly by what inputs we get from outside. We have no control over our emotions most of the times. This is where Emotional Intelligence comes in.
What is happiness? Happiness lust as God and love is a personal thing. Happiness can be “defined” as a feeling of satisfaction, feeling good and feeling joy. Even this is a concept, an idea. In fact, happiness CANNOT be defined. No concept or idea can put into words what happiness is. You will only know happiness if you drop emotional attachments, the emotional cravings and the clinging to all sorts: people, things, events, circumstances and results. Attachment is the obstruction to happiness. The Chinese put it so clearly. "If the eyes are unobstructed, you have sight; if the ears are unobstructed, you have hearing; if the mouth is unobstructed, you have taste.” And I will add, If the heart is unobstructed, you have love. You’ve got it all. Drop the obstruction and you’ll know what love and happiness are! Why do we become happy within an event and unhappy at the other? A good piece of news makes us happy and a piece of sad news robs us of our happiness immediately. We fluctuate between the feelings of happiness and unhappiness throughout the day. It’s because we are still holding onto (attaching to) the end result. Drop it!
Are we so controlled by outside events that our mood gets affected easily? Can we not ignore whatever is happening and be happy always. Or at least not give a damn. This is hard language and who dares say this? I mean, you can still give a fair deal to it, but not give much importance to it. Can we not look at everything with equanimity and say – ‘I will be happy always mo matter what’. If we can do that, it will be really good for us. We will not be at the mercy of stimuli, whether people, events or circumstances from outside to make us happy or unhappy. It is not only stimuli from outside, but also from inside. Any bad memory can turn our mood upside down. We are in control of our own emotions.
Happiness is a boon. Things will always be going wrong. Memories will always come. But if we decide to keep ourselves happy, we can surely progress slowly to a state where unhappiness can not touch us easily. Happiness is only one emotion. We are affected by different emotions – Anger, Love, Hatred, compassion and so on. What applies to happiness also applies to all other emotions. Emotions batter us at all the times. We are like a ship freely getting beaten by the roaring ocean of emotions at all the times. That is not good, because we are not in control. As I said earlier, in another article, what we are unconscious of is in control of us.
Try some fun quizzes to find out how much you get affected by stimuli and what is your control over your emotions.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
Seven Keys to Happiness
This article summarises much of what I’ve learned thus far on my journey to self-discovery and persona, positive growth. Along the way, through many of life’s ups and downs, with the help of my many awesome spiritual teachers, coaches and mentors and gurus both here in the West and in the East, I now most often live in a state of happiness and contentment. I still go to the loo, (to the rest room, to the toilet) so to speak just as evryone else does. I still have lots to learn but I wanted to share with you what I’ve found most helpful thus far. I truly believe that all people have the capacity to choose their mental attitude. Therefore, if happiness is what you desire, then you must choose it. Here are some helpful ideas to help you do just that.
1. Self-Worth
Self-worth without it, happiness will always be just beyond your grasp. Self-worth is, of course, something that can be measured along a continuum. It isn’t like you either have it or you don’t. You can possess varying degrees and those degrees can themselves vary depending on the circumstances of your life.
Generally, the person who is happiest has a healthy amount of self-worth without an inflated view of their own self-importance. This is the fine line that must be walked between confidence and arrogance.
Confidence implies a certain sense of surety while recognising that each of us is just a different cog in a very big wheel. No one person is any more important than anyone else. Those with high self-worth know their life’s purpose. They are in tune with what their mission is and proceed to make it their life’s work. They also recognise the value of everyone else with whom they share space.
Those who are arrogant recognise their own self-worth but then proceed to look down upon those they deem as unworthy. Then at the other end of the continuum, there are those who recognise the importance of others but don’t believe they are worthy to breathe air.
A healthy balance of self-worth is the key.
2. Gratitude
The second key to happiness is gratitude. It is human nature to enumerate the things that are NOT the way we want them to be. We are programmed to notice when things are off track, and not necessarily appreciate when all is as we want it. This makes maintaining an attitude of gratitude a challenge but nonetheless something we should strive for. I have mentioned before that Universal Law tells us that we attract those things we think about most often. When we are grateful for what we have, however small or little it is or few they are, more is bestowed upon us.
I know someone who believes, “No good deed goes unpunished” and lives his life accordingly. Another person I know always says, “I have the worst luck. Nothing good ever happens to me.” And you know what? They are both right! Being right, I remember Henry Ford, I often mention in all my seminars, said that “If you think you can’t, you’re right and if you think you can you’re right.” The Universe delivers to them, to you and to me exactly what they and we expect. There are others who have similar bad luck but who persevere or find the lesson in the situation. These people find more happiness and contentment in return.
Another point about gratitude is to be thankful for what you have; again however little, few or small. I love the line in the song that says, “It’s not having what you want; it’s about wanting what you’ve got!” How true this is! There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do better than you are as long as you are grateful along the way. Even when things are bad, there is always good to be found in it. There’s always ‘a silver lining in the sky’, they say. Life is in perfect balance and order. Anything with a great deal of pain associated with it also has a tremendous positive side if we are of the mind to see it.
3. Positive Life Framing
The third key to happiness is positive life framing. There are three ways to view any piece of information: positively, negatively or neutrally. How do you view your life framing? Viewing information as neutral is the best way to go through life. By “neutral”, I mean, a detached observer of life’s circums-tances. It allows me to accept everything as it comes and to stop resisting what actually is in any given moment. However, many of us have great difficulty with that one.
As an increasing step, it is helpful to find a way to reframe life’s negative events into positive ones. Reframing is utterly important in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). Even in life’s “tragedies”, there is a way to find something positive about the situation. “Tragedies” happen for a reason however difficult to accept. Almost always, in hindsight, we can see the benefit. The real benefit comes when we are able to see the benefit as the “tragedy” unfolds, or at least stay open to the thought that there is a benefit even if you are unable to see it in that moment. Just as in physics where there can be no neutron without a proton, so it is with life where there can be no negative event without a corresponding positive one. You must have noticed that I put inverted commas ("...") on the word ‘tragedy’ and ‘tragedies’ for the word does not “exist” on its own, just as darkness does not exist on its own. You know it too well that darkness is only the absence of light.
4. Internal Locus of Control
The fourth key to happiness is having an internal locus of control. People who have an internal locus of control believe that they are responsible for their own behaviour and its results based on their own personal decisions and efforts. This is contrasted with those who have an external locus of control. These individuals believe that their behaviour is determined by external circumstances such as other people, fate, luck or circumstances beyond their control.
Having an internal locus of control produces a “can do” attitude. An external locus of control generally results in a helpless attitude. Even though people with an internal locus of control still have situations that occur that are beyond their control, they will seek some action that can be taken by them to improve the situation. They do not spend time bemoaning the fact that something bad happened to them. They look for decisive action opportunities to turn things around.
In this way, a person is more in charge of their own destiny. They can reject the role of victim and take definitive action to create greater life satisfaction.
5. Life-long Learning
The fifth key to happiness is to adopt an attitude of lifelong learning. Your goal each day should be to learn something new. “Don’t go to bed without learning something new” as we say in Spain, “No te acuestes sin aprender algo nuevo.” As you encount-er new people and situations, look for the wisdom that can be extracted from them. Particularly in areas where we believe we made a “mistake”, seek to uncover the lesson. There is always a lesson to be learned.
When we believe we know all there is to know, that is when we are in dangerous territory. When we think we know all, then we stop learning from the people and situations in our path. When we stop looking for the lessons, we begin to blame things and people external to ourselves for the pain we experience instead of seeking to learn whatever we need to know for our life’s journey.
6. Love
Love is the sixth key to happiness. I am not talking about having a significant other in your life who loves you. Neither am I talk-ing about the love Hollywood and Bollywood are talking about. I’m talking about having love inside of you that is just bursting out of you to touch others regardless of their physical looks, heights, bank accounts or political power. Unconditional love is a concept we all strive for unfortunately, most of us are looking to receive it rather than give it. The Beatles sang “All you need is love” Really? I hear you say “Yes!” This is what everybody is telling you. “You need to be loved”, “You need to be affirmed”, “You need to be appreciated”. “You need to be…” (fill in the dots). Rubbish! You may say “Do you mean, you don’t need to be loved?” Wait a minute! Let’s pause here. You mean to be manipulated and controlled and all that? I’ll tell you what you and me need. Alright, you may say I’m wrong. It’s OK. It’s a result of m a n y years of reflection. There’s only one emotion-
al need and that is to love. If someone loves you I’m not saying you dishonour or not accept it or invalidate it. You can still give a fair deal to that person, but you do not need their love. If they give it to you fine, if they don’t, fine! I am not a beggar for love, neither are you. You are truly fortunate and blessed when you have the unconditional love for someone whether it’s your life partner, your mother, father, aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather, foster parent, friend, your next door neighbour, the homeless, the destitute, the beggar, the prince and the pauper or your puppy!
Truly unconditional love goes beyond what is seen to the eyes, felt by the heart, thought by the mind. To give unconditional love is when you’re not even aware you’re giving it. This is the true meaning of what giving is all about: when you’re not aware you’re giving. The moment you’re aware of your giving, you spoil the very intention of the action of giving itself. Look at Nature: the trees, the flowers around you, the Sun, the Moon... Are they aware of their giving? "Don’t talk nonsense, Ross!", you may say. "A tree or a flower doesn’t talk." You add. I know, but this is just an analogy. A flower, for example is giving its fragrance whether or not you accept it; whether there’s someone passing by. Is a tree aware of giving its shade and fruits? Even the person trying to cut it down, a tree is still unconditionally giving what it has. The Sun is not telling you, “Now Ross, I’ve given you so much natural vitamin D, I want something in return from you!” You are not any less than Nature. You are part of Nature. You are Nature yourself. Why beg then for love? You're putting yourself down. It is rare, though to love like this and a gift to be cherished.
However, ask yourself the question, 'How many times have I extended unconditional love?' Do you have unconditional love for your fellow human beings? This is the kind of love that will lead to happiness. It doesn’t matter if that special someone doesn’t love you back, like the flower, the tree and the Sun in the examples above; it’s what’s in YOUR heart that matters. It’s what Nature’s “heart” that counts. Are you someone who only loves as much as you feel you are being loved in return? That certainly isn’t unconditional! “If you love those who love you… If you greet those who greet you” the Christian Bible says, you’re a monkey like the rest. If you are seeking love in your life, if 'All you need is love' as The Beatles sing, then you must be loving yourself in order to attract the love you seek. This will lead to the ultimate happiness – loving, expecting nothing in return. Try it. I mean DO it! Only by trying won’t work. Doing does!
7. Contribution
The last key to happiness is contribution. This is a combination of knowing and following one’s life purpose. When people un-
derstand their divine purpose in this life and then go about fulfilling that purpose, they are making an awesome contri-bution to the good of mankind. Having meaningful work and leaving a legacy is an important key to happiness. When we do the work we were meant to do, we touch lives. It doesn’t matter whether one’s purpose is to clean the public loos (restrooms) whether paid or not or to find the cure for AIDS, following your divine purpose will bring about a strong life fulfillment that cannot be experienced any other way. Contribution is critical to happiness.
Implementing these seven keys to happiness in one’s life is not an easy task, though. Personal Life Coaching can be helpful as you are attempting to change some old, harmful habits into more productive, happiness-inducing ones. Jack Canfield says, “Of all the things successful people do to accelerate their trip down the path to success, participating in some kind of Coaching programme is at the top of the list. A coach will help you clarify your vision and goals, support you through your fears, keep you focused, confront your unconscious behaviours and old patterns, expect you to do your best, help you live by your values, show you how to earn more whilst working less, and keep you focused on your core genius.” Why not give it a try?
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
The Colours of Flowers
Human beings first used natural colours centuries ago. During those times synthetic colours were not available. Flowers were the main source of colour. This article does not intend to go into how the colours were extracted and so on, but how colours of flowers can make our life a better living experience. Let us examine.
Look at flowers. You will find a range of colours – from the purest white to black. Some flowers are single-coloured while many have colours so beautifully mixed that no painter can do something similar. The first observation we can make is – all colours look good on flowers. We may hate a certain colour, for example you may dislike yellow. But if you pick up a yellow-coloured flower, you may not dislike it. Why? Because the colour merges so well with the structure and texture of the flower that it does not remain separate but merges totally in the flower. I hope I am making myself clear. What I am saying is that even if you hold a yellow-coloured flower, you will not be noticing only the colour, but the touch, the shape, the fragrance and the symmetry of the flower. Colour has merged itself with other qualities to create something beautiful. Is this making any sense?
I have been talking about colours. But I could have been as well talking about any other quality of the flower. My contention is simple. If a quality does not overpower other qualities but merges with them the result can be brilliant. We as human beings can do the same – as the members of a family, a team or a part of business group or as citizens of our nation. Instead of overpowering others with our qualities, if we try to merge and create a whole, the outcome will always be much better. The focus is to dissolve one’s individual ego and work together in tandem.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
The Attitude of Gratitude
Yes, it might feel great to win the first prize lottery. Money, houses, travel – these are wonderful, but not enough by themselves. You need the right frame of mind to fully enjoy life. You need the attitude of gratitude. We’ve already talked a bit of this earlier.
Be Grateful
Life is better when you feel blessed, when you can look around and say “Thank you, God.” Religious or not, whatever concept or idea you’ve got about the Universal Power and Energy called God when you see life as a wonderful gift, your experience is a richer one than any amount of money can provide. Imagine going through life like you’re a child, and every morning is Christmas (for those of you who believe in Christmas of course).
It’s tempting to think gratitude comes from having what you want. You see yourself giving thanks if you had money, a loving family, and maybe a house on the beach. But can you even visualise yourself doing the same even if you do not have a mouthful of bread to feed yourself? Not likely. I’m not saying it’s that easy, but it surely is very possible. Still, you know there are ungrateful, unhappy people with these things, and poor people full of gratitude for what little they have. Where does this feeling come from do you think?
Creating Gratitude
Gratitude arises from how you look at things, events, circumstances, people and yourself. It is the natural feeling that comes from truly appreciating the people and things and cir-cumstances when they arise in your life. It is also something you can learn.
First, you have to stop and smell the roses or any flower for that matter. You can’t be thankful for something you don’t even notice or enjoy. Can you? Roses and flowers in general really do smell great, by the way.
Then, you need to make this appreciative approach to roses and life a habit. There’s no need to ignore the ugliness in the world, but you have to habitually see the beautiful things and people however nasty they behave. They are still people. It’s them that you appreciate not their nasty behaviours. The sinners not the sins. Am I clear enough?
Start writing down every single positive thing that happens to you, and all the things you like. Do this until you start automatically seeing the good things in life. If you’ve ever bought a white car, and started seeing white cars all over, you know how awareness can alter your perception of reality. To see wonderful things all over, train yourself to look for them.
When you are in the habit of “counting your blessings,” gratitude, and a much richer experience of life is the natural result.
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Ross Galan, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
